Chasing Dreams While Working an Ordinary Job
Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about timelines.
You know the way you think about your life while driving home late at night or standing in the shower too long or looking at yourself in the mirror before getting ready to go somewhere?
Just little moments where it suddenly hits you that your life looks different than you thought it would by now.
I think when I was younger, I imagined adulthood feeling a lot different than this.
I thought I would know exactly who I was, feel more established, and have some kind of career that would make sense and give me a better answer when people asked me what I do.
Instead, I’m twenty-seven years old picking up serving shifts while trying to build something beautiful out of the dreams God placed in my heart years ago.
And honestly? Sometimes that makes me feel insecure.
There are days where I feel really inspired by my life. I love writing. I love creating. I love this little space I’m building online. I love the feeling of sitting down in the morning with coffee and putting words together that might make another girl feel less alone or at least feel something.
Then there are other days where I scroll online for too long and suddenly feel like everyone else figured life out before me.
Girls my age seem to have it all together now.
Everyone has a personal brand or a successful online business.
Meanwhile I’m over here carrying plates in a restaurant wondering if I’m crazy for believing my life could become something bigger than what it currently looks like.
I don’t share this for pity. I’m sharing it because I know I can’t be the only girl who feels this way sometimes.
I think a lot of us can be consumed by the fear that we’re behind in life.
And social media only makes it worse.
The internet has made ordinary seasons feel embarrassing. Like if your life isn’t visibly impressive at all times, you must be doing something wrong.
But the older I get, the more I’m realizing how much of a lie that really is.
Some of the most important and meaningful parts of life happen in seasons that don’t look good on the outside at all.
I think about that a lot lately while I’m serving.
There’s something humbling about it honestly. Some nights I leave work exhausted and discouraged. Other nights I drive home feeling strangely emotional because I know deep down I’m not meant to stay stuck there forever. It’s a strange feeling, carrying plates while carrying dreams this big inside of you
When God places something inside of you, you can feel it. Deep inside of your bones. There is a knowing.
Even when you doubt yourself, fall into fear, and your reality doesn’t fully match the vision, there’s still this knowing underneath it all.
I used to think faith meant having confidence allllllllll the time.
Now I think faith looks like protecting the tiny flame inside of you when nothing around you looks like proof its going to happen yet.
It looks like choosing not to quit on the life God placed in your heart even when you feel insecure, behind, or when other people close to you don’t fully understand what you’re building.
I’m a few years in on the journey of chasing my wildest dreams, and I’m being completely honest, I’ve questioned myself a lot lately.
I’ve wondered if I should’ve chosen a more traditional path.
If I’d feel more secure with a degree or a corporate job (even though neither of those things are me at all).
If maybe I’m too old to still be figuring things out.
If maybe I missed my chance somehow.
But every time I spiral into those thoughts, I feel God pulling me back to the truth of something deeper.
Life was never supposed to be about proving myself to the world.
And for a long time, that’s exactly what I was trying to do…and I still try to do it sometimes.
Prove that I am successful enough, pretty enough, smart enough, worthy enough.
In all of my striving, God has been teaching me that no amount of success will heal an identity that isn’t rooted in Him first.
You can have the most aesthetic life, the followers, the dream job, the apartment, the relationship — all of it, and still feel empty if your worth depends on constantly achieving more.
I don’t want to live like that anymore.
I want a life that feels honest, true, connected to God, and free from the pressure to constantly perform for validation.
And maybe that’s why adulthood looks so much different than I expected.
Maybe God cares more about who I’m becoming than how impressive my life looks online.
I don’t know exactly where my life is headed yet.
But I do know I’m not giving up.
Not on writing, not on Her Sunday Best, not on the dreams God has placed inside of me, and not on the woman I feel Him calling me to be.
If your life feels a little like mine right now, I just want to remind you that different doesn’t mean bad.
Ordinary seasons don’t mean a dead dream.
They say good things take time… so let them take all the time they need. <3
Even if that means chasing dreams while working an ordinary job.
Enjoy the journey, stay strong in faith, and just keep going.
