If I’m going to be completely honest, it has been hard to put what I’ve been feeling into words lately.
Last weekend, our church held its first-ever conference.
On Friday night during worship, I was overcome with emotion as I looked around the room and saw so many hands stretched toward heaven. Tears fell down my face as I saw a room filled with a hunger for heaven. Seeing so many people in this posture, with their faces turned upward and their arms stretched wide, reminded me of the deep yearning for God that lives inside all of us.
Have you ever heard the saying that we all have a God-shaped hole in our hearts that only He can fill? Well, it’s true.
I look at the world today and the way it’s designed to keep us chasing things that will never fully satisfy us. More money, more fame, more status, more clothes, more material things. The chase is endless, and the satisfaction never seems to stay.
But I have never felt more fulfilled than I do with my arms stretched wide, with nothing to offer but myself, standing in the presence of Jesus. Looking up at the cross and remembering what He’s done for me.
Why do we get the thing we wanted for so long, only to find ourselves hungry for more again?
Why do we achieve the goals we’ve had written down for five years and still find ourselves feeling empty?
I think of what Jesus said to the woman at the well:
“But whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” John 4:14
Jesus was speaking to something deeper than physical thirst. He knew the longing in her heart, just as He knows the longing in ours. The desire to be loved, to be known, to find something that finally feels like enough. And He offered her something that the things of this world could never give her.
He offered her Himself.
I share this today because I still find myself chasing the things of this world. I know Jesus, I love Him, and I still catch myself hoping that something else will finally make me feel enough. It’s an honest and ongoing struggle.
But every Sunday, when I worship the Lord with my arms stretched wide and tears in my eyes, I remember what that deepest yearning inside of me really is.
A hunger for heaven.
I believe we are all hungry for heaven, even when we don’t yet have the words for it.
The things we’re chasing might satisfy us for a moment, but that feeling is always fleeting. Becoming a girl who has all the best gym sets, the most rocking body, the most fashionable clothes, a large following, and an incredible personal brand will never satisfy the way knowing Jesus does.
And yet, I know how easy it is to believe that you would feel different if you could just become her.
If your skin cleared up, if your body looked different, if you had more money to spend on clothes. If your work finally took off, if more people noticed what you were creating, if your life looked a little more like the one you thought you’d have by now.
There is always another version of ourselves we could spend our whole lives trying to become.
I am having to learn every day that my value as a woman is so much more than my looks, the way I show up online, how well my blog is performing, how many friends I have, how put together I am, how clean my house is, or how good of a wife I think I’ve been that week.
Those things can take up so much room in my mind. But none of them can give me the security I’m looking for.
My cup overflows when I am rooted in my identity in Christ. When I remember that I am already known and loved by Him, even while so much of my life is still a work in progress.
I know my hunger for heaven is deeper than all of these things, but I chase them anyway.
Don’t we all? This feels like the constant dance between heaven and earth: loving Jesus and learning, over and over again, to bring our wandering hearts back to Him.
Every day, I have to remind myself where that deepest longing is pointing me.
When I scroll on Instagram and see a girl who seems like she has it all, I remember my hunger for heaven.
When I see everyone getting Botox and find myself feeling envious, imagining how much more confident I might feel if I could change the things I’m insecure about, I remember my hunger for heaven.
When I start measuring my life against someone else’s and wondering whether I’m falling behind, I remember that God is here with me, in the life I actually have.
And if you’re struggling with these things too, I hope you know you can bring them to Him. Even the thoughts you feel embarrassed to admit. Even the insecurity you think you should have grown out of by now. You can tell Him that you love Him and that you’re still struggling to believe what He says about you.
I’ve struggled for so long to share my love for Jesus passionately and boldly because I was scared of what people would think.
The truth is, I am just a regular girl who loves Jesus with her whole heart. And don’t get me wrong, there are things in this world I still love too. I still love good outfits, as we know. I love hosting, decorating, and making everyday life feel special.
I’m grateful for those things. I believe there is so much beauty to enjoy in the life God has given us. I just keep learning how heavy they become when I ask them to prove my worth.
Nothing satisfies the hunger of my soul like being close to Him.
And I share this in hopes that it will help you too. I know what it’s like to never feel enough, to compare, to wish you had more, and to struggle with envy even when you have so much to be grateful for.
But the truth is, God made you for a purpose. There is something so special about who you are. You don’t need to become another girl to have a life worth living and sharing.
You can still have dreams. You can care about what you’re building and get excited about what might be ahead. And you can know that you are loved right here, before any of it happens.
The next time you hear the lie that you’re behind, that you’re not beautiful enough, or that your life doesn’t amount to much, remind yourself of God’s truth. You are made in His image. You are deeply loved. You can trust Him with the parts of your story that you don’t understand yet.
Heaven is our home, and because of Jesus, we have a hope that reaches beyond everything we can see right now.
My hope is that you will start to recognize your own hunger for heaven. That when you feel yourself reaching for something to make you feel enough, you’ll remember His invitation to come to Him.
My prayer is that you will drink the living water and discover the peace of being loved by the One who knows every part of you. And when comparison creeps back in, as it so often does for me, I pray you’ll keep coming back to Him.
I love you girls.
