When Big Prayers Trigger Bigger Insecurities
I’ve started noticing a pattern in myself.
Whenever I finally get honest with God about what I really want… I spiral a little.
I’ll pray for something bigger.
More discipline.
More impact.
A life that actually matches the things I feel stirring in my heart.
And for a moment, it feels really brave to say it out loud.
Then almost immediately, I feel exposed.
Like I just admitted way too much.
Like I should tone it down.
Like maybe I was being dramatic or acting on a moment of high emotion.
It’s strange how fast it happens. I can go from clarity to questioning myself in a single afternoon.
And I don’t think we talk about that part of praying bigger enough.
I remember when I first started taking my blog seriously.
For years, it was this dream I always had in my heart that would never go away. Something I journaled about. Something I “maybe someday’d.”
Then one day I actually prayed about it honestly.
In a real, surrendered way.
Like — God, what if this is actually part of what You’re asking me to steward? What if this really is a part of my purpose? What if I stop playing small with this?
And I felt so clear and confident after that prayer.
And then… I felt ridiculous.
Who am I to think I can build something meaningful?
There are girls who are more talented. More consistent. More polished with their writing.
What makes me think I can do this?
Nothing externally changed in those few hours.
Just my awareness.
That’s what praying bigger does.
It makes you aware of the gap.
When you pray for something that stretches you, you start seeing the distance between where you are now and where you want to be.
You notice your inconsistencies.
The habits that don’t line up yet.
The insecurity you thought you were past.
The discipline you wish you had.
It’s like the prayer shines a spotlight.
And suddenly you’re not just seeing the vision for the future — you’re seeing yourself more clearly too.
That’s usually when imposter syndrome creeps in.
Maybe this isn’t actually for you.
Maybe other girls are better suited.
Maybe you should just be grateful and not try to grow anymore.
And if you’re a Christian woman, it can get even more confusing, because shrinking ourselves can sound spiritual.
It can feel “mature” to lower your expectations. To call it humility. To convince yourself you’re “just being content” because you already have everything you need because you have God.
But I don’t think that’s what’s happening.
I think growth feels uncomfortable in the beginning.
Your current life is familiar. Even if you want more, you know how to function here. You know who you are here.
When you ask God to expand your life, you’re also asking to outgrow old parts of yourself.
And that’s destabilizing.
There’s this weird middle space I’ve been living in lately.
I’m not who I was a year ago.
But I’m not fully who I feel called to be either.
I’m aware of what I want.
And I’m aware of where I still fall short.
Sometimes that awareness can feel like proof that I’m not ready for more.
But maybe it’s just proof that I’m paying attention to what God is calling me to.
Almost every person in Scripture responded to their calling with doubt and hesitation.
Moses questioned his ability to speak.
Esther felt unprepared.
None of them felt naturally equipped when God called them.
So maybe that internal “who am I?” moment isn’t a sign to stop and settle.
Maybe it’s just what it feels like to step into something that requires faith and growth.
I’ve realized that imposter syndrome tends to show up right after alignment.
Right after I decide to raise my standards.
Right after I admit I want more.
Right after I stop pretending I’m fine staying the same.
It’s almost predictable.
And lately, instead of trying to eliminate the feeling, I’ve been trying to sit with it.
Okay. I feel small right now.
That doesn’t automatically mean I need to backtrack or totally give up.
It might just mean I’m growing into something that doesn’t fully fit yet.
If you’ve prayed something recently and then felt embarrassed for wanting it… I totally understand.
If you’ve started changing your life and then questioned whether you’re capable of maintaining it… I understand that too.
There’s something vulnerable about admitting you want more.
It exposes your hope.
And hope feels risky when you care deeply about God’s will and your fulfilling your calling.
But I don’t think the solution is to shrink your desires until they feel manageable or realistic.
I don’t think the girls who step into bigger lives are the ones who never feel doubt.
I think they’re the ones who feel it… and don’t let it make their decisions.
Maybe feeling small doesn’t mean you’re incapable.
Maybe it means the dreams in your heart actually matter to you.
And maybe the goal isn’t to suddenly feel fearless, bold, and confident.
Maybe it’s just to stay open. To keep showing up. To keep praying honestly. To let yourself grow into the very thing that feels slightly too big right to imagine right now.
To be honest, following our calling will always require faith over fear.
You don’t have to shrink your dreams just because you feel stretched.
You’re allowed to take up space in the life you’re asking God for.
And remember that anything is possible to the one that believes. Nothing is too big for our God.
Just wanted to end by sharing this powerful affirmation: I am bigger than my doubts, bolder than my fears, and stronger than my obstacles.
Reach for the stars sweet girl <3333
